I realize that your new iPhone is the cat's pajamas, the best thing since sliced bread. I understand that is all that and a bag of chip's too. You have loaded a bunch of apps. You have game apps, a Zippo lighter app and Finger Drums. Choosing to have the Atomic Fart app wasn't really my choice, but whatevs.
However, I have just one thing to say to you.... Unless you can find a Wife App to replace me - you better put that thing down and pay me some attention.
Your loving REAL LIFE WIFE,