Oryctolagus cuniculus is no friend of mine

Dear Baby Rabbit,


You may have not heard about my bad attitude today. You probably didn't know that I was upset and sad and mad and in need of some glimmer of happiness. I imagine (since you are not my friend on Facebook) that you were not aware that I was going out to the farm with the express purpose of seeing YOU and getting a large dose of cute and cuddly and warm fuzzy feelings. 


But your reaction to me was inexcusable. INEXCUSABLE, I say. 


Seriously, I was gently cradling you in my hands, cooing and smiling and softly petting your adorable little ears. The warmth of your soft fur was slowing softening the hurt in my heart. I was smiling. I was finally relaxing. I was having a wonderful moment of cuteness therapy.


And then you had to go and ruin it. 


Thank you so much for peeing all down the front of my shirt. I had no idea that baby bunny bladders were so large. 


(Even that alliteration doesn't take the sting of the situation away. And I love me some alliteration.)


Thinking that karma has something against me,
Lark 

Unnessary

Dear World,


You may not know this, but my daddy is an inventor. He can grab some things out of his stash of treasures and turn it into a something useful. Recently he made extensions for his truck mirrors out of the bottom of crutches. Sometimes I wish I could see the possibilities in a pile of junk. I have accumulated quite the impressive pile in my attempts to be more like him. But it still just looks like junk to me. 


While I may not be an inventor, I can tell you about a two things that would be bad inventions. 




1. The Barf-O-Matic Alarm


Pros:
The sounds of retching quickly awaken and rapidly deploy all mommies


Cons: 
~Messy to use. 
~Cause much extra housework which causes more exhaustion.
~After the initial surge of adrenaline, sleep quickly returns. 
~Occasionally the snooze button feature works, but is irregular (and unwelcome) in nature. 
~Does not seem to work on daddies. 


All attempts of utilizing this device with the daddy backfired with duplicate "alarms" from the daddy. Any and all experiments have been terminated. 

2. The Awaker Dog; a dog alarm clock

Pros:

Effective in its persistent volume

Cons: 

~No snooze button.

~No off button. 

~No way to set the time that it would start "alarming". 

~No way to set it to not "alarm" on Saturday. 

I have confirmed these conclusions thru lengthy research. My neighbors kindly supplied the Awaker Dog for the test trials. I am currently working on another invention, "The Awaker Dog Silencer .22" with encouraging results.

Wishing I was still sleeping,

Lark

Destiny

Dear Children, 


When I was little my daddy assured me that when I grew up I would turn into a boy. That all little girls grew up to be boys and all little boys turned into girls. Now, with a nostalgic twinkle and gentle smile, he tells of my response. 

 I wailed.

 "When I grow up I want to be a mamma!"


I have always wanted to be a mamma. To have a house full of kids, running and laughing and playing is my idea of bliss. The joy and open mouthed wonder a two year old has at the first sight of a ladybug makes me feel a resurgence of life in my own heart. Watching the lightbulb flicker and then burst into brilliance above a child's head when they figure out that they are READING! Really, truly, absolutely READING for the first time makes my heart swell and out bubbles blissful laughter. Hearing two siblings, who have been mortal enemies for years, now quietly visiting and gently playing have me quietly wiping thankful tears.


This is what I have always longed for.


The long nights of post surgery births, the painful pull of stitches, the bumps of excited brothers looking at the new baby brought joy to my spirit. Here was a new life; full of wonder and love and delight to share.


Endless dirty bottles, always smelling of spit up, blown out diapers; put in the proper place of context were just a momentary hardship. 


Temper tantrums, lies, spilled milk; were the training ground for the future battles I would face.


Personalities, temperaments, learning styles; all unique, never duplicated in other siblings made me learn to adapt and be flexible, stretching me in ways I never expected.


Research, racking my brain and stretching my resources, searching for the answer to what was wrong in hearts and minds has been duly rewarded with progress and change. That filled me with hope. Lessons learned through the hardest of times carry me on still today.


You children have shaped me. Changed me. Filled me up and wrung me out. You make me laugh. Weep. Scream. You challenge my mind. You stretch my heart. 


And I wouldn't change it all for anything.


Love forever, 
Mom

The Family Court

Dear Plaintiffs:

It has recently come to my attention that I have been accused of crimes against you, my two younger sisters. Your complaints have been include in this official* court document.

*official, as  this is officially my blog and I can pretty much say whatever I want...

I have been accused of laughing in delight when people think that I am the younger of the sisters. My response may have been immature but was not meant to be malicious in any way. I don't care what you told mom, "neener neener" is not technically a mean word.

It is my opinion that the statute of limitations has passed for the following list of your accusations;

ripping off ears of special stuffed rabbits, slamming doors in faces (or quickly sliding it shut, depending on what era you are referring to), ignoring requests to play, tattling, not showing you my super cool stuff, general teasing, and being too cool to even look at you. 

If it pleases the court, I ask that all charges of face making, tongue protruding, and forty crow giving be stricken from the record.

 In addition I would ask that my record be forever expunged of the charges of my using clever and witty words to "torment" said siblings. I ask the prosecuting parties to supply actual proof that I meant harm when I allegedly hid the plaintiff's eyeglasses in the cupboard with the drinking glasses and, to quote the plaintiff's petition in Wren v. Lark, "teased her, saying that she could find them where glasses are supposed to be". 

I also ask for consideration in the case of Robyn v. Lark, where I allegedly called her dog a canine and her cow a bovine, in a "singsongy" voice, implying that it was a bad thing. I call into question her interpretation of those events. I will argue that I was merely attempting to teach her the proper nomenclature of said pets. 

But for my final argument I would like to remind the court of Blood v. Water. That case has set the precedent for all future cases. Blood won that short court battle and forever stilled the argument that siblings may be convicted for alleged "crimes" against siblings and other family members. I believe that this case firmly follows in the precedent set forth by Blood v. Water as all alleged pranks, mischievousness, and teasing fall under the "no harm no foul clause".

 Or in the case of Robyn and Wren v. Lark, the 

"no harm no fowl clause". 

With mostly sincere sincerity and truly profoundly profound apologies,

The Defendant (aka Lark)

Insert Eye Roll Here

Dear Mom,

Now that I am a mom of my own, I can understand why you told us certain things.

Watch for cars as you ride your bike down the street. 

Obvious.

Wash your hands before dinner.

 Of course.

Wait until your father gets home. 

Been there, said that.

You taught us so many things; 

a love of reading, learning, (for some of us) a love of the great outdoors, to love Jesus, to be witty, to rope, to laugh, to love family.

But there are a few things I still don't understand.

1. Nothing bad happens if I lift the lid while the rice is cooking. For years I was sure it would mean the imminent demise of the world as we know it. 

NOTHING HAPPENS.

2. Saying the word "fart" is acceptable in polite (ish) society. I obey when told to respect my elders and I don't want to be eaten by bears (remember when you told us that story?!). 

Because I fear for my very life, I will not publish your replacement word for that bodily function. I still remember the day I realized that 

NO ONE,

 not one other family, used your word. Probably the first time I realized I was 

weird. 

(No worries, Mom, it certainly wasn't the last time and you were not the sole reason for that state of my being. Dad helped, too.)

3. Calling someone a jerk was not allowed, but calling them a "muscle spasm" was?

4. Seriously cookies DO need the amount of sugar called for in the recipe. Yes, they do.

Whole wheat does not belong in cake.

 As much as you want to fool yourself, there was no fooling us. 

We were just desperate. So we ate them.

5. The verdict is still out on whether or not I will go to hell for dancing and playing cards. Guess we'll see whose right on that one later. 

See ya in heaven - wanna play Texas Hold 'Em there?

6. So far no one has died of typhoid from my messy bedroom. Twenty years later and it pretty much looks the same. Sorry about that.

I always thought that when I grew up I would finally understand all that you taught us. I'm all grown up. When does the Great Enlightenment finally come?

Until then I'll be perfecting my eye roll,

Lark

P.S. I used my creative license in taking or ignoring your corrections on the first draft. Whatcha gonna do about it? Spank me?

Oh look! It's sparkly!

Dear Disco Balls, 


Your very sparkliness makes life much more fun. The delight you cast with each flicker, the joy you spread with each flash makes me envy you.


If fact, I am seriously contemplating installing one of you in every light fixture in my house. Everyone needs a little more sparkle in their eyes, right?


So, I decided to do a thorough research into this idea. (Read: I wasted an hour on the internet.) After looking at all my options - from professional lighting to DIY - I got bored and started watching YouTube videos. 


You had your day in the sun, so to speak.


On to other things, 
Lark

Pinch This!

Dear Pennies, 


I sincerely apologize for the unceasing pinching I have put you through lately. I hope you understand. It's not that I don't want to rub two of you together. It's just that you look so wrung out after all the squeezing I do. 


I would really like to try that deal where you save one to earn one. Is that kinda like a buy one get one free deal? Or is it some sort of pyramid scheme? It does sound a little too good to be true.


Why is it that they say they'll pay one of you for someone's thoughts, but if I wanted to tell them what I was thinking then I have to give them two cents? Seems slightly suspicious to me. If they want my thoughts so badly, you would think they would be willing to cough up that extra penny. And frankly, I think my opinions are worth a lot more than that. But I often give them away for free.


I ought to rethink this situation. 


But mostly, Mr. Penny, I wanted to thank you. I know you often hear how useless you are. How we should just do away with you altogether. And that must be really discouraging. 


I thought you ought to hear how I appreciate you. You allow my little boy to feel generous. You see, I never give him silver coins. But you, I'll give. That allows him to share his money and feel like Daddy Warbucks. That makes you special, Penny. I wonder, do you ever notice how a kid's face will light up when he picks you up off of the ground? You must feel so neglected, lying there. But you give joy and generosity. 


And it only costs a penny. 

That's my two cents worth, 

Lark